Waiting To Exhale……

23 Aug 2010 1 Comment

by Shilpa in Life, Personal Tags: faith, hope, struggle, Viveka Babajee

Friday, August 20, 2010.

Another one of those days where I have been hit by the gloomy blues. Feeling crappy for the very reason that I feel, I can’t go on with the relentless struggle with my health anymore.  But something so far has never made me to give up. For whatever reason, I have been moving on in spite of being ripped off of everything that meant anything to me – my freedom, independence and above all my dreams. Another couple of months and I would be completing seven damn years with my relentless pursuit to get my health back on tracks. I’m trying to figure out a way to live my life on steroids, the so called antihistamines. And, I don’t know how I’m gonna do it. It’s not easy. Time and again the thought never ceases to cross my mind, that just being merely alive is sometimes not enough…..

“It knocked me on my ass, really. I felt so in control of my life and my body, and then this comes, and it’s completely out of my hands.” ~ Martina Navratilova on being diagnosed with breast cancer.

A life gone waste
Come to think of it, I can’t imagine people with their fame-name, glam-sham and money quotient giving up on their precious life as if it was a mere roadside sabze tarkaree. I’m talking about the sad demise of ultra glamorous and b’ful super model Viveka Babajee which shook the fashion industry a couple of months ago. Wow!! the media said failed relationships drew her to take a drastic step like that. Well, with a million dollar face like that, she would have had any prince charming by her feet. The brutal suicide yet another model Nafisa Joseph a few years left me surprised too. God!! these b’ful women had everything that I never had and yet they had the guts to end their life. What a shame!! That’s truly a precious life gone waste. 101 Heartbreaks……….C’mon!! that’s No Big A Deal ya!!! I have survived that in the past and a few more wouldn’t kill me. I know that sounds more like ‘dragon heart’ speech. But trust me, that’s much- much better than skin allergy breathing down your neck 24×7, 365 days, sometimes scaring the living day lights out of you.

How the hell can someone be so selfish and end one’s life without even giving a second thought about the people who love you and what it would do to them. Every breath they take after loosing their loved one would literally kill them. It’s true what clinical psychologist say about people who commit suicide “they are a selfish lot.”

Despite all odds……
True, life can be a bitch at times. In everyone’s life there are uncertainties. We all go through inner conflicts. It would be a mistake to think that all things are under our control. In times of frustration, dejection, grief and similar tragedies in life – it will be foolish to abandon hope altogether. Hope remains with us even when our own shadows do not. It is at times of pitch darkness that you realize the importance of light. That’s when for people like me unalloyed faith and hope have come to the rescue. For long it has kept me sane. Honestly, I cannot deny the fact that it does get frustrating and unnerving at times and my vicious temper gets the better of me, so much so that it feels more like I’m spitting venom. But then, you gather yourself, rise again, take one step at a time and though it feels a lil wobbly, you keep moving on with your head held high…….one day at a time……. one step at a time…….

“I’ve been through great pain and sorrow in my personal life – I’ve touched rock bottom. Yet, like a phoenix, I rose from the cold ashes instead of turning cantankerous and bitter.” ~ Anjali Mendes (Ex super model and Pierre Cardin’s muse)

Keep the faith……
Shilpa