For Just This Once……

09 Oct 2010 2 Comments

by Shilpa in Life, Personal Tags: fallen, pain, struggle, vulnerable

Saturday, October 09, 2010.

It’s been a week since October 2^nd when I completed seven damn years of excruciating struggle with chronic urticaria. And God!! It doesn’t cease to stop. I’m still waiting for the moment when it does. In spite of me not wanting to, my mind follows a trajectory of its own, when I’m down and out with severe attacks. Which with God’s grace are not so frequent as in the past, when my grueling struggle begun. Does that mean there’s improvement? Well, I certainly doubt that. It’s too hard at times when on the downhill with severe urticaria attacks, my body keeps letting me down again and again and again. I still feel so broken……

And these are the vulnerable moments when I feel like letting go; quitting and words like staying positive, hope, faith and keeping up a smile suddenly seem to lack luster, when your heart is bleeding with physical wounds inflicted by your malady. And like the inexorable gushing water falls cascading from the mountain tops, my thoughts rush out in a irrepressible frenzy……

For just this once, I don’t want to stop from falling apart,
For just this once, I don’t want to put up a fake smile saying “I’m doing great,”
For just this once, I don’t want to make an attempt to gather myself up keeping my head held high,
For just this once, I don’t want to stop my faith and hope beating dust,
For just this once, I don’t want to stop my tears rolling down saying to myself  “Get up and get going,”
For just this once, I want to feel the despair when my body keeps letting me down,
For just this once, I want to know how it feels being humane,
And for just this once, I want to ‘let go’ and feel being Me……..just Me…….
Positive attitude, hope and faith flying high can wait………
For just this once……it can wait……..

I saw angels fall down
At the glory of the Lord
And as I raise my hands I see

I saw angels fall down
At the glory of the Lord
And as I hit the ground I see

And I fall down
Afraid and shaking here
And I fall down
I’m perfectly safe in right here
I saw angels fall down
At the glory of the Lord
The hurt and the broken find rest here

I saw angels fall down
At the beauty of the Lord
And as I kneeled I cried to know Him

And I fall down
Afraid and shaking here
And I fall down
I’m perfectly safe in here
I’m perfectly safe in here
I’m perfectly safe in here
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Angels Fall Down – Skillet
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